BorderlineLife's blog, page 1

Last login: 5 weeks agoBorderlineLife: Russ is a 41 year old guy from OZ, California, USA.; Likes 143 pages, 2 videos • 11 fans • Received 3 reviews; Member since Aug 07, 2007

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Jan 11, 8:30pm: Ah well. Looks like I'm surviving.

BPD411 - Distortion Campaigns: Oct 5, 2007 4:48pm 1 review psychology, borderline
http://www.bpd411.org/distortioncampaign.html; This is scary.

added later....

I've been the subject of a distortion campaign lately. It's not pleasant but I'm surviving. I have a few good friends that will stick with me no matter what. That helps. There's not much advice in this except not to get defensive. I'm just keeping my mouth shut and not commenting on it at all.

BPD411 - Fleas: Sep 30, 2007 9:17am 1 review mental-health, bpd, borderline
http://www.bpd411.org/fleas.html; This article gives me some peace. As I was going through the "red flags" of a borderline, I was seeing myself in some of them. I even asked someone in the psychology field if they thought I was a possible borderline. I understand why I had a few of the traits now. I need to "unlearn" them.

Sep 29, 2007 1:52pm: Writing a poem of sadness

Okay, here goes...

Once I had everything,
Now I have nothing.

No, no, no, no. I don't have nothing. Certainly, I have Internet access right now. So, that's slightly more than nothing. I also have ten fingers typing. Technically, I never had everything either. So....

Once I didn't have everything,
Now I don't have nothing.

Pfft! That makes no sense. Let's try something different.

Of your heart I partook,
On the rock in the brook.

Eew! Forced rhyme. Although, this did happen. Do you think Cummings' teachers took off for punctuation? And capitalization? And random skipping of spaces? I always hated poetry anyway. How about my relationship in 100 words or less?

Hi. Hi. HiiiIIIii! Mmmmmm. Can we? Shall we? Do you? Will you? Indeed. What time? Where? Bliss. I love you. I love you. Silence. Again? Again. Eat. Drink. Merry. I adore you. I adore you. Silence. Lies. Again? Of course. Silence. Games. Again? I love you. Again. Bliss. I love you. It's over. Silence. Again? Maybe. Again. Insight. Discovery. I love you. I love you. Silence. Again? Again. Plans. Silence. Lies. I hate you. Don't leave me. Silence. Silence.

Okay. So how do I make this into a poem?

It's interesting... as I think about us, the memories that are fading. I remember... I remember how your lips tasted. In one of those deep passionate kisses. I always look forward to them. But that memory is fading. I remember how your skin felt. I remember that is was oh, so soft. I only remember that it was soft. I don't actually remember how feels any more. I remember how your voice used to sooth my soul. No, I only remember that it did. I haven't heard your voice in a while. I remember that moment in time, when I held you with my eyes, right after I first said that I love you and right before you first said that you love me. That one single memory is not fading and it is all I have left of you.

Damn you, Fate!
I'd hunt you down if I could
You stand there in Your arrogance
Void of emotion
Void of soul
Void of love
You have made me just like You
Damn You.